There's a plumber in Parliament with an NVQ
She's been plumbing her own houses cause she owns quite a few....apparently!
Her boss Zack Polanski has a degree,
Thankgoodness, wow, phew,
A B.A, in drama,
What's this country coming to?

Under hypnosis his patient once thought
That her breasts grew an' grew,
Like all the tits in the commons,
A house full o' wrongens,
And now a plumber politician is surely fake news?

Say's the Speaker,
"I call upon the honourable member of Gorton and Denton,
A Manchester borough,
To unblock the loo in The Lords
As it's full of feaces quite thorough",

The new Green Party MP arises with rage retorting,
"I'm not here to plumb I'm here to engage,
I'm Hannah ex plumber I'm Zack's new blonde sage!
The chamber can stay blocked with your PHD thesis;
Or whatever you right honourable lot
Call the posh word for shit is?"

I'm here to talk on behalf of my constant illiteracy....
Sorry, constituency,
For the white working class and the ethnic minorities,
Unblock your own parliamentary boxes of thunder,
Get The Sergeant-at-Arms to march
Not with a mace but a plunger,

My plumbist plastering era
Has come to an informal end,
What you privileged people call prorogation,
Gone down the U bend,"

"Here Here" shouts the PM
"I love a good U turn,"
"Order" shouts The Speaker
"Or I'll insist we adjorn".

Hannah Spencer bounces back
She'd heard of the term ping pong,
From The Commons to The Lords
It was all full of schlongs,

She brings The House to attention
Talking cylinder stratification,
Policy pressure in millibars
Not Miliband constipation,

"I'm going to campaign for the banning of manometers
And call them neutral gender tubes,
Manholes and man-up
To be banned from the news,

I'm going to head a political stink tank
And reclaim The Sewers Canal,
Reform Westminster of their clichéd banal.

I'm going to announce the banning of fine dining
With above ground leather seating,
I'm talking below ground cuisine,
Yes folks....
Underfloor eating!

I'm talking compression, self feed,
Pushfit press fittings,
No more defication just stinking....sorry....
Thinking when sitting,

The cistern is broken,
I hear some of you sigh,
Yes folks sometimes,
I buy The Private Eye!

I'm getting rid of push-buttons
And bring back toilet flush handles,
Sex drugs rock n roll,
Old school political adultery scandals,

Bless you Green Hannah Spencer
A Level 3 City & Guilds she did reach,
She's gonna try and bring all together
And get rid of hate speech!

She doesn't mind the minorities
Becoming Great Britain's domination,
She declares they too are human ,
What a fine erudite observation!

She can quote Shakespear,
Our proletarian political newcomer,
'All the world's a stage and all the women merely plumbers'!

On Hannah's arrival;
Ms, Carla Denyer welcomed her in Parliament Square,
One dressed in purple the other in yellow,
A bi non neutral glare!
A child tugged at her Mum's skirt,
"Look Mummy, The Teletubbies over there",

"Noo Noo", said her Mum, "sweetheart they are MP's,
So why is one dressed like a sweet an' the other a cheese?
"Dear Sadie" sez Mum, "I'm afraid these are contemporary times,
No more scholars in politics,
They're in rapid decline,

These are The Green Party,
They're more left than Labour,
They were once saving the planet,
Our brown rice brigade saviours"

"Mummy, what's happened to Labour
And what happened to Tories"?
"My child, they're at the end, they're finished,
They kept changing their stories,

But soon British politics will reform
So all is not lost,
Things will start to take shape
At whatever the cost!"

"But why Mum did rot set in
Like teeth never flossed?
"My dear, like MP's never answer,
It's just because,
Just because"!

And Finally:

Just to placate all of you folks
Who suffer from TDS,
I'll deal you all the Trump card....

The world is a mess!
Always has been!
Always will be!