He's a little bit stout slightly overweight
His belly spills over his pants
He loves his Lycra and his clip on shoes
He dreams he was once in the Tour de France.

Every morning and night he mounts his bike
He's a Shimano Giant, He's Specialized
He puts on his safe hat his mate calls by
Then he bids farewell to his wife.

Oh come on Dai, are you out of your mind?
How about some D.I.Y
Ya Mrs might 'ave to get a fella in
You lycra lads,
Enjoy your ride!

But Dai's alright he's got a well paid job
And sometimes gets paid for staying off work
His neighbour's always got a paint brush in hand
Dai thinks he's a loser, a damned right jerk....

Off you go Dai with your mate on your bike
You're a right couple of Lycra Lads
You're Strava synced but your wife's not in tune
Her hormones are driving her mad!

Oh come on Dai, are you out of your mind?
This is just a suggestion
Disc brakes are great but you should grind
There's someone back home....
Who needs attention!

Dai's got a pretty wife doesn't take her for granted
He's a top earner, got everything she needs
He jokes they've been hitched as many years as the gears on his bike
And a couple of times they've sown their seeds

Dai's house is paid for, got a good pension plan
A lycra dad cyclist speed king junkie
He gets off on the fact he's constantly tracked
But his wife's getting off with someone spunky

Oh come on Dai forget your bike
Your scrotum's getting squashed
Your cleats have clipped in cosha
Whilst your wife....
Gets sneakely boshed!

Lycra laddies, lycra Lads
Sun shades slip stream Lycra dads Lycra peddled Lycra pals
G.P.S navigational fads

What a palaver all that Strava
It would make me rather nervous
D.I.Y's my kinda ride
Forever at my lady's service

Dai, make love early morning
Copulate late at night
You can track your ride whilst still inside
She'll say….
"Dai, you're doing alright!”

Lycra laddies, vasolined
Lycra laddies air pollutant clean
Lycra laddies, pelatons
Lycra laddies, nice one son
Lycra dads, three abreast
Traffic calming lycra test!
Traffic lights turning to red
Unclip quick shit….
‘S like Father Ted

I've seen James Bond in fast cars
James Bond in rocket gear
OO7 kitted out on a pair of skis
But on a bike in lycra?
Nah….
That would be queer!