Oh I Wish I'd been a great guitarist
Of the Joe Satriani class
Hendrix played one with his teeth
I could have played one up my arse!

Oh I Wish I'd Been a great guitarist
As great as Steve'n Vai
I'd bend strings so far up the neck
T'would bring tears to people's eyes

Oh I Wish I'd been a great guitarist
Playing super sonic licks
Pick arpeggios from first to fourteenth fret
Then smash my axe to bits!

I'd be smoking on the water
Drinking whisky from a jar
I'd be treading stairways right up to heaven
I'd be that shining star!

Oh I Wish I'd been a great guitarist
Ignoring what drum and bassists say
They'd have more luck negotiating
If they were in the band....I.R.A

Oh I Wish I'd been a great guitarist
I could have been the great Chris Rea
But I'd be on a permanent Road to Hell
Spouting verbal diarrhea!

I'd be so far up my rectum
I'd lose all of my mates
I'd be as cool as Marcus Knoffler
But in total Dire Straits!

Oh I Wish I'd been a great guitarist
But think of the young Joe Strummer
Bet he'd wished he'd not Rushed to the Limelight
Oh I'm glad I am a plumber!