Oh I wish I'd been a traffic warden
And strut the streets so proud
Checking if cars are parked legite
And if they are allowed....

To park on random loading bays
Even single yellow lines
Cause on some streets they say they let them off
Turn a blind eye, walk on by.

Oh I'd wish I'd been a traffic warden
Placing fines in vehicle wipers
And being caught by the car owners
And watching them go hyper....

Hypocritical, perfect person
That would be me
But when dressed in warden uniform
That's how such things should be.

Oh I wish I'd been a traffic Warden
Especially in Aberystwyth
Letting tourists and the locals know
I'm not someone to be messed with.

I'd make sure they don't come back again
Because I'd be so pedantic
I'd fine them to infinity
Whilst they spout out crude semantics

They never would come back again
Cause I'd be just doing my job
That's what I would say
To those shouting out expletives Ending in 'you job's worth knob'.

Oh I wish I'd been a Traffic Warden
Fining people on Tuesdays
Tis written in a great local poem
For you cannot park on bin day.

There's a tiny little no waiting sign
Tuesday's from nine till one of clock,
But if the bin men had been in between these times,
I'd firmly fine them cause I'd be that cock.....

A doodle doo
My mission's aimed on punishing parkers
I'd be forever on the look,
And if frustrated tradesmen would threaten me,
I'd simply state your on tape sir/ma'am,
Fiddlesticks, your booked!

Oh I wish I'd been a Civil Enforcement Officer,
My body inflated like Mr Round
I'd park patrol and slowly strutt an' tut
My targets ticked in Aberystwyth Town.

Oh I wish I'd been a Traffic Warden
So I could piss Joe Public off
I could feel so very important
They'd simply swear,
I'd simply scoff.

I'd tread upon the seagull'd ripped rubbish
The simple bin folk left
I'd consider my self importance
Thinking blinkin fools,
Bin men bereft!

I'd kick aside the remaining refuse
Placing fines on car windscreens
My head up high in the clouds
Thinking, I am squeaky clean.

Oh I wish I'd been a Traffic Warden
Donning uniform, boots and hat,
I know I would have been really good,
Because I was born a TWAT!