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A poem about how some councils and education authorities are apparently very reluctant to grit icy paths leading to their offices and schools.
The only good thing about these crazy policies to me is the fact that they want people to use their common sense.
If only this was the case when it comes to letting people use their common sense when they're driving or just out an' about.
The only good thing about these crazy policies to me is the fact that they want people to use their common sense.
If only this was the case when it comes to letting people use their common sense when they're driving or just out an' about.
Here's The Lowdown
Use your common sense this winter,
Cause we don't wanna get sued,
Solicitors wanna get even richer,
And we don't wanna get screwed,
Even though we feel responsible,
We don't wanna give you any clues,
So if you surely slip then fall,
You'll be out of luck,
Here's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck.
If you're working for the council,
And the weather's bloody bitter,
Maybe working from your freezing home,
Not driving yellow council gritters,
Then you're called into the council office,
So they can upgrade your computer,
If you sorely trip then bawl,
I'm afraid the system sucks,
That's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
If we admit that there's a danger,
And hazardous conditions remain viable,
To grit or not to grit we don't give a shit,
We daren't deem ourselves liable,
So make sure you're feeling flexible,
Because our decisions are not pliable,
Health & Safety in mind most of the time,
With ice and snow we're a bit stuck,
The word's around,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck.
There'll be no need for triage,
If you slip and break your blinkin bones,
Cause we'll be your first port of call,
But we'll leave you well alone,
We did no risk assessments, none,
So you're completely on your own,
We know this sounds absurd,
And we are dumbly struck,
But here's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
If we grit our paths on which you walk,
It leaves lawful caveats,
For if you so should slip and fall,
You'll sue us just like that,
You'll say we didn't do it properly,
And that you'd like to have a little chat,
We'd be on thin ice and that's not nice,
So your views they have no truck,
The word's in town,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
We're not allowed to shovel salt,
Cause you'll tell that we have tried,
So we'll spray an invisible liquid,
A kind of little iced white lie,
We'll attend another course of the bleeding obvious,
To learn how to spray brine,
A day to train and gain a certificate,
Signed by some smart schmuck,
But until then
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
Ring a ring a roses,
Our policy and control is,
No issue,
No issue,
If you all fall down!
Cause we don't wanna get sued,
Solicitors wanna get even richer,
And we don't wanna get screwed,
Even though we feel responsible,
We don't wanna give you any clues,
So if you surely slip then fall,
You'll be out of luck,
Here's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck.
If you're working for the council,
And the weather's bloody bitter,
Maybe working from your freezing home,
Not driving yellow council gritters,
Then you're called into the council office,
So they can upgrade your computer,
If you sorely trip then bawl,
I'm afraid the system sucks,
That's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
If we admit that there's a danger,
And hazardous conditions remain viable,
To grit or not to grit we don't give a shit,
We daren't deem ourselves liable,
So make sure you're feeling flexible,
Because our decisions are not pliable,
Health & Safety in mind most of the time,
With ice and snow we're a bit stuck,
The word's around,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck.
There'll be no need for triage,
If you slip and break your blinkin bones,
Cause we'll be your first port of call,
But we'll leave you well alone,
We did no risk assessments, none,
So you're completely on your own,
We know this sounds absurd,
And we are dumbly struck,
But here's the low down,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
If we grit our paths on which you walk,
It leaves lawful caveats,
For if you so should slip and fall,
You'll sue us just like that,
You'll say we didn't do it properly,
And that you'd like to have a little chat,
We'd be on thin ice and that's not nice,
So your views they have no truck,
The word's in town,
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
We're not allowed to shovel salt,
Cause you'll tell that we have tried,
So we'll spray an invisible liquid,
A kind of little iced white lie,
We'll attend another course of the bleeding obvious,
To learn how to spray brine,
A day to train and gain a certificate,
Signed by some smart schmuck,
But until then
If you fall down,
We don't give a fuck!
Ring a ring a roses,
Our policy and control is,
No issue,
No issue,
If you all fall down!
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