I once met a man from Mars on the train,
I know it sounds crazy and really insane,
The reason I knew he was extra terrest,
He wasn't adorned with tattoos, or piercings in chest,
None through his eyebrows, ears, nose or lips,
I assumed he had none in his down below bits.

He had long pointy ears like Spock from TV,
I was star struck by a Star Trek, look alikie,
Perhaps Futurama I asked,
"Sir", "you him called Bender?",
He inscrutably replied, "how very dare, for I'm neutral gender",
'Derrier', did it say, did it call me an ass?
Better I not upset it, 'case they all come on mass.

Neutral gender I thought, maybe some deity,
To whom do I refer it, a he or a she?
I said, "perhaps you like the lord up above?"
It answered, "you humans are crazy,
Just call me bruv",
Beg your pardon bruv, didn't mean to offend,
From where have you come,
How did you descend?

"From Mars I have come",
I think that's what he said,
I thought 2112,
"Can I call you Ged?"
"Why why Ged", said my new friend, And started to blush,
Oh I see he announced, "you mean, the mighty Rush",
I thought my 'life's-on' hold, was this all for real,
I swore Cygnus X1,
You know of Ged, Alex and Neil?

He said, "no", but he'd loved Farewell to Kings,
Then we talked about politics and Canadian things,
Ged said, he'd arrived via teleportation,
I said, "wow tell me how, I'd never be late again",
This stuff's too complicated,
You won't understand,
Sanctimoniously sounding like the Remoana band.

Sell the science to government,
They need faster exits,
We laughed, then we sighed as we talked about Brexit,
Sell it to Brussels, they love to negotiate,
I've tried, try again Ged, it's never too late,
They think I am barmy'eh,
Well, baffle 'em with science,
They'll grow to love you,
As long as you're in compliance.

Tell them you're entitled to your Martian rights,
They should love faster free movement,
The intransigent shites,
Ged said "friend I have tried and I'll tell you what's sad,
Their tariffs were greedy,
They're all bloody mad",
We talked and we talked then I checked the time,
We were still stationary,
Were there leaves on the line?

"Hey bruv, I feel strange"
The Martian did utter,
He came out in a rash and st' st' started to stutter,
'Leaves on the line' came a voice through the speaker,
'HS2', sneezed Ged, now looking much weaker,
I think he'd caught human flu, and for sure chicken pox,
'Cause his pale green skin, was tattooed with red dots.

I said, "climb 'Jacob's Ladder', or whatever you do,
It dematerialises that this earth is just not for you",
My chat on the train with my new Martian friend,
Was out of this world, I did not want it to end,
With mystical music a bright light downward shone,
And with flickers and flashes flitted Ged, he was gone.

I've since received, a new friend invitation,
To be teleported up to a fine constellation,
I'm to stand on a spot named Article 50,
And I won't be late, I'll be super fast nifty,
So when I briefly leave Blighty, free and not grotty,
You'll hear me shout "Brexit",
"Now beam me up Spotty!"