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Written 14th January 2022 when I fell ill with what I call the flu but was probably the omicron milder form of the new big C word. Because of my views on covid and debates I had had with friends about my views on masks and the fact that I felt, and still feel about over the top lockdowns, some of the debates were quite heated as it seems these days that if you don't agree with main media outlets such as the BBC, you are an idiot and need to tow the line. Some of my lovely friends seemed quite amused that I had become a covid culprit and sent me quite a lot of amusing and sarcastic texts. This poem is dedicated to them!
Let me be ill
I'm feeling like a sunken ship
The Barnacles have taken grip
This is more than just a minor blip
I don't feel like shite I feel like shit.
This flaming flu has bastard bit
I'll have to take a get well pill
So leave me slowly get over it
Let me be ill.
Yes, let me be ill dude
Please don't bring me food dude
Go and take and Interlude
I'm trying to be nice
Don't wanna be rude
My temperatures through the roof And I'm in the nude
You asked for that
Don't mean to be lewd
Can't you bloody wait until
These torrid tests have eschewed Let me be ill.
You keep on texting I could curse ya
I'd call you all things under the sun But I'm to terse'r
I'm front to back or vice a versa?
No I don't need a dyslexic nurse….
A nurse who'll feed me mouth by nill Please leave me in this state of inertia
Let me be ill.
The phone permanently pings
You all seem hell-bent
On sending me stuff
You've previously sent
I'm pissed off with your night long laments
I'm not just cross I'm damned incensed
You say keep cool how can I chill?
I'm indispensably indolent
Let me be ill.
Now I've really come a cropper
I'm as limp and lame as my flaccid chopper
I'm proper poorly, poorly proper
Perhaps I'd better call a doctor?
But they won't see me
They're scared that them I'll kill
I'll take myself a beta blocker
Let me be ill.
There's aching down in my ole cajones
Can't masturbate though I'm a constant loner
Can't even get a bloody boner
I'm a male miserable morbid moaner
Good Fortune will come I'm sure it will
But for now until a good will donor
Let me be ill.
The Barnacles have taken grip
This is more than just a minor blip
I don't feel like shite I feel like shit.
This flaming flu has bastard bit
I'll have to take a get well pill
So leave me slowly get over it
Let me be ill.
Yes, let me be ill dude
Please don't bring me food dude
Go and take and Interlude
I'm trying to be nice
Don't wanna be rude
My temperatures through the roof And I'm in the nude
You asked for that
Don't mean to be lewd
Can't you bloody wait until
These torrid tests have eschewed Let me be ill.
You keep on texting I could curse ya
I'd call you all things under the sun But I'm to terse'r
I'm front to back or vice a versa?
No I don't need a dyslexic nurse….
A nurse who'll feed me mouth by nill Please leave me in this state of inertia
Let me be ill.
The phone permanently pings
You all seem hell-bent
On sending me stuff
You've previously sent
I'm pissed off with your night long laments
I'm not just cross I'm damned incensed
You say keep cool how can I chill?
I'm indispensably indolent
Let me be ill.
Now I've really come a cropper
I'm as limp and lame as my flaccid chopper
I'm proper poorly, poorly proper
Perhaps I'd better call a doctor?
But they won't see me
They're scared that them I'll kill
I'll take myself a beta blocker
Let me be ill.
There's aching down in my ole cajones
Can't masturbate though I'm a constant loner
Can't even get a bloody boner
I'm a male miserable morbid moaner
Good Fortune will come I'm sure it will
But for now until a good will donor
Let me be ill.
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